My little feet shifted in my school shoes as I walked up one stair, then two…three steps, then four. There were endless stairs leading up to the school I attended when I was in first grade. The building sat on a large hill and to finally reach the front doors seemed like more of a commitment than I wanted to agree to. I didn’t want to go to school. I mean, I had friends and liked my teacher and liked to learn, but to go meant leaving my parents. There were problems at home. Kids don’t miss a thing. Their perception of the world around them is broad and hopeful. No matter what is going on in the walls of their house, however, it’s my conviction and experience, that they will protect the ones who they call mom and dad to the bitter end, or at least one of them…no matter what.
I don’t write about my childhood as a rule usually, but this day, it’s for a reason that brings about an important lesson. God blessed me with 2 hard-working people who I have as parents and I have always adored them…no matter what. My heart is to bring them respect and let God have the glory for the few things I will say in order to help me get the point across.
I didn’t just walk up the steps of my school. It was with careful intention that I took each stair. I wanted to stay home because if I stayed home I thought I’d be able to make things better and if I was away, things wouldn’t go so well. Every home has its problems and obstacles, but I wanted to fix ours so I could go to school and not be worried. My stomach would inevitably hurt every morning, and I knew why and so did my mom and dad. I just wanted things to be good… happy… stable. I obviously had to go to school. I had missed the maximum amount of days already, so my mom taught me words that were more than just that. Simple words that gain deeper meaning with each year that I grow older. These words pointed me to God, not my situation…not my fears.
Before I would get out of the car, there were tears and long wet red strands of hair covering my face and a few final pleas with my mom to let me go back home with her and help her do chores and visit. “I’ll be extra good and we’ll have fun!” I’d say. To no avail at this point, my mom couldn’t give in. She knew it was best for me to go up the hill and learn. She would take a cloth made of cotton and wipe my eyes and re-barrette my hair. I remember our ritual as if it were this morning. It went something like this…“Stacee, remember that God never goes away. You can trust Him when you feel like everything else is all messed up. Remember what to say with each stair as you walk up to school.” I’d hug her so tight as if I wasn’t going to see her in a few hours and start to move away. “ I trust you , Lord, I trust you.” Next set of steps, “ I trust you , Lord, I trust you.” All the way up to the top, this is what I’d repeat sometimes in my head, and sometimes in a whisper.
This is what it took to get me into school, and now to do life, even though it sounds exhausting to even read about. I’m sure it was more exhausting for my mom to go through this process each morning. But we knew it was more than that, and it worked because God was and is in it and His ways work. This, He promises. God has used these words to carry me from 1st grade through 12th grade, college, my parents divorce, my parents remarrying new spouses, 23 years of marriage to my husband, the loss of our son, the birth of our 2 healthy girls, continuing to raise our girls, the ministry, psychiatric treatment, eating disorder treatment, daily chemical depression, daily celebrations for eating and fighting the depression, celebrating the little things, and so much more. These words are what take the pressure off of me and transfer the trust to the only one who absolutely never worries.
The sooner we practice transferring our trust from people and our situation and look to God, the better. This is so hard!!!! We can see people and their faces and their help. But look at Jesus’ record! Jesus never fails, and we can experience his love and other perfect characteristics to their fullest day after day, especially His peace. When I start to doubt, it’s time to go straight to His word. Look at this…
” Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” Psalm 119.105
“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.” Proverbs 3.5
Our lives are full of challenging steps, my friends. This we all know. We’ve got to choose to trust Him as we climb one stair…then the next. Some of the toughest lessons occur when we are scared to let go of trying to stay and fix things. Let’s trust that not focusing on our situation will be the best option because one of God’s greatest desires is for us to transfer our trust to Him by saying and living by the words my mom taught me…”I trust you Lord, I trust You.” Not only might you say it in your head and possibly even whisper it, but you could dare yourself to believe it.
Love to you!