Today’s blog post is actually something I wrote a little over a year ago as God was beginning to bring about some big changes in my life. There are days when I still feel “stuck in the mud,” but I’m learning to experience more and more of the hope found in God’s “deeper waters.” Please know and accept that Jesus has this for you! This is my thought and prayer for you…and for me as we begin this new week! I confess that I cannot do life on my own. I’ve tried, and it doesn’t work out for me. Today after doing my morning errands, I purposefully went to our local lake to stop and get alone with Jesus. We are in the middle of a drought right now, so our lake is more of a "pondish- puddle,” but it is still breathtaking, especially when there is at least one sailboat working its way with the wind to deeper waters. I found myself drawn to a bench on the other side of a lighthouse where there were some large rocks, and I just sat down. The breeze was perfect as it made my hair fall across my eyes, then my face. I closed my eyes and just thought about the Lord. Sitting out there, I wasn’t hurting. My mind wasn’t thinking abusive thoughts. The sun was shining on my freckled face, and it felt life-giving and good to me.
In my time with Jesus I’ve been reading about being so close with Him that we are sitting side by side. That’s when He imparts His heart… His wisdom about my life. That’s what I want. I desire to be so close with Him that He can whisper and my ear will catch His next step for my life. For more than 15 years I have heard an eating disorder scream at me and tell me not to eat a bite... that I don’t deserve to eat. That’s my normal, so this is the opposite in my life. I want opposite. I will work for it and wait for it because this means I can have a chance at really living life today. I’m going in a new direction. I am seeking revelation for deep healing. Surface healing is painful and temporary.
As I sat there longer, I briefly opened my eyes; they were drawn to a tall bird to my left, and I sort of began to laugh. There was a crane standing in shallow mud… just stuck. I so know how you feel , "Miss Crane!" There is so much water on this earth, and you are stuck in the mud in a drought where there used to be deep water! Please, Jesus…I’ve been stuck in the pit of wrong choices, and it hurts and the enemy wants me to believe there is no deep relationship to be had by You. That there are no longer deep waters in You available for a person like me. But I see differently. I see hope in the lives of others who have obeyed You and listened to You so much that they overflow from being side by side with You, Lord. Needless to say, today, I am determined not to be the crane!
“Show me Your ways, O Lord, teach me Your paths; guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long.” Psalm 25:4-5
I love you! Stacee