We have a habit of turning the simple into the complex. It’s what we do. Especially when we don’t understand or believe the situation at hand. The longer I am “me,” the more I realize my need for God’s love, yet I simultaneously fear it will go away based on my behavior. I honestly fear rejection and abandonment and have lost rest and pushed meals away scared God will respond to my behavior and sin in the way I deserve.
There are a host of reasons why I have grown to believe these “truths”, yet none of them are appropriate to share at this time, nevertheless, this I will share…God. Never. Leaves. I don’t get it and, with the way my mind treats me, I may never understand. Regardless, I have come to the point in my life that whether I understand or not, I must trust…I need to trust. I long for the peace which only comes as a result of trusting. It’s simply too difficult to live this life and not.
How do you feel at your core when you fear you are going to lose someone in your life? You’ve had a disagreement; you feel hurt or fear you’ve caused hurt; maybe you feel unforgiveable. Both rational and lots of irrational thoughts feed your reasoning, but how do you respond? Does reassurance from the one offended ease your fear, or do you not trust all will be healed and restored? Difficult thoughts yet so many live isolated to avoid experiencing abandonment or rejection.
My friend, let me be deeply honest. I am having to choose a different way. It’s a discipline pushing me to let go the plethora of life-conditioned reasons which create an ever-constant fear of those I love burning out and moving on. In other words….. I’m scared to change. After battling an eating disorder and enduring clinical depression for such an extensive amount of time, feeling like a burden seems unavoidable and simultaneously unbearable.
So, what should we do with these feelings and fears?
This is what God has put on my heart. Believe and live the truth that no matter what is going on in my human relationships, Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever! “Nothing can separate me from your love, Jesus” (Romans 8:35). The fear of being left is an age-old problem God knew wasn’t going away soon. “Be assured that I never abandon any of my children, not even temporarily. I will never leave you or forsake you! My presence watches over you continually. I have engraved you on the palms of My hands” (Jesus Calling, August 1, p 224; Isaiah 49:16). Gah, Stacee! Wake up! “Stop trying so hard and know that I am God! (my version) or as the actual Scripture reads, “Be still (or cease striving) and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)!
Nothing I do or don’t do can separate me from Jesus’ love. Period. He chooses to stay in my life knowing how bad my mind torments me. He chooses to stay in my life no matter how hard it is for me to eat all of my meal plan each and every day. And yes, he knows that these challenges may be the “thorn in my flesh” for the rest of this life. Because of God’s grace, however, I don’t have to learn or accept anything without Him! One morning at a time, one afternoon at a time, and one evening at a time, let God touch and heal the wounds which create your fear of being abandoned.
Today would you try something with me? It’s a challenge for me to do the following, but doing things with support and in community can make them better. Let’s be still for just a bit and give God some time. When we do, He shows us his love: “for as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him” (Psalm 103.11), and He reassures us of his presence: “no one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you or forsake you” (Joshua 1:5).
I want to tell you something as I close. Your value in Christ is not affected by being left by another. And if you’ve been rejected or abandoned, know that Jesus is different. He is absolutely lovely, and He chooses to stay with you all the days of this life and beyond.
You are not “leave-able” to Him. Just ask Him.
Simply put…you and me – we are adored and his love for us reaches as high as the heavens are above the earth! He’s not going anywhere!