Hey friends this is Stacee, and I've been working hard on my new video blog but I've missed writing to you, so I hope you can connect with this post. Thank you for your encouragement as I do both now - love to you, Stacee People simply amaze me, really.
Tonight I was at a business dinner with my sweet husband…a little nervous and probably fidgeting. Popping my knuckles under the table and in and out of the two conversations going on at either end of our table. I was energized by the environment, and the company we shared was interesting and intriguing. The people in our party were honestly wonderful. But simultaneously, I was aware of the cool vibe coming from those around our table. In my direct line of vision, was a middle-aged lady, I suppose, sitting alone. She caught my eye because she was seemingly so content with being, “party for one”, and I’m so not that way. I’d rather not eat than go out alone to do so.
As the evening progressed, I would occasionally glance over in her direction and with each bite and through the various courses of her meal and mine, an onlooker would have observed two very different relationships. Her relationship with food…and my relationship with food. Two polar opposite conversations going on. With each bite, her eye brows would rise one at a time, and she savored each bite that was scooped off of her plate. As one course was taken away and the next was ushered in, she welcomed it and began the careful process of cutting her next delightful portion.
I was actually experiencing two different emotions concerning her calm enjoyment; one being fear, and the next being envy. She ate each and every bite including dessert and nothing negative happened to her physically…apparently. As ridiculous as my fear for her eating all of her food may seem…that’s my reality. What did I expect would happen? Oh..my mind reels with the possibilities! It was an amazing realization for me to actually notice what was happening and not being repulsed, but rather, I was envious. She was taking in every moment with a full, then empty fork. GOALS!
“Every good and perfect gift comes from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change with shifting shadows.” James 1.18
Your issue may not be with food at all. Quite honestly, I can only guess what yours could be to no avail. But when you see someone who doesn’t seem bothered by what bothers you, aren’t you the least bit scared they will have a horrendous experience or envious that they are unaware and going forth without caution? On the days when I am not apathetic on this path, I get tired of my simply observing and not experiencing.
We were designed to require nourishment.
We were designed to live in community and encourage one another to not merely be spectators but rather active in our recovery process.
We were designed to be in relationship with God.
Some day…probably not alone in a crowded restaurant, but some day nonetheless, I’ve got to hope that I will simply enjoy what is so complex now. A gift that was intended for pleasure…a meal.
God calls you, and He calls me to do the same spiritually. He asks us to “eat” with Him at His grand table. To enjoy Him and all that He brings to that table. This, I am trying very hard to practice with actual food and with all that He has in store for you and I even now. Just today, I hope to practice taking in bites of His actual food provided for me, and taste and see that He is also so good to me just by being perfect Him. You may be thinking that since you don’t struggle with an eating disorder, that this is not for you. If you are restricting God’s blessing in any area of your life, this has application. Think outside of the box and insert your situation where I have expounded on mine.
Move in the direction, my friend, with me, trusting that God has all of the fullness and peace as the one in your direct line of vision. His version of what that is supposed to look like for you, is more than satisfying! It’s every portion, including an unimaginable dessert.
Love to You,